Oh, Fiesta

Fiesta, you know how to make me laugh. That’s why I can’t quit you. That and the occasional week of 25c avocados.

What's not to love?

What’s not to love?

Cheepie is back on patrol, and will be back to the regular posting schedule.  So look forward to $10 dinners, store reviews, and all the deals!

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Trader Joe’s Silly Thing This Week

Hybrids are all around us. Cars? Hybrids, spelled right out on the bumper. Plants? Hybrids, saving us all from the horrors of having to spit orange seeds out.  Zonkeys are clearly going to take over the world with cuteness soon.

This one, though, I could have lived without.

   Science Has Gone Too Far

           Science Has Gone Too Far

I like bagels. I like pretzels. I’m pretty easygoing on most things.  

Picturing this, though, I’m getting an image of fluffy white insides with leathery salty crust that ordinary tooth maneuvers don’t exactly get a bite through, leaving me with sandwich innards everywhere, or butter dripping down my shirt to pair with the grease stains from some pizza I once ate (I’m a mess, it’s true). 

It’s possible there is some taste benefit, but that would be due entirely to salt, which I can apply to a bagel already. We have the technology. It looks like this.  

photo

Yes, I know, that one is nearly empty. It is nearly empty because it’s useful.  Which is more than I feel I can say about the Pretzel Bagel ($2.49 for an 18 oz bag of 6 at a TJ’s near you).

Trader Joe’s Silly Thing This Week

Finally, a new Fearless Flyer.  A whole new crop of products to mock, and as always, with helpful Victorian Graphics!

Screen shot 2015-04-30 at 9.27.31 PM

Dancing? Or fighting? Is there a difference?

This is 5oz of no-bacon-but-still-baconish and cheese popcorn, for $1.99.  In the realm of snack food, this isn’t the most you’ll pay for puffy salty carbs, but given popcorn you’d make in your house is an order of magnitude cheaper this stuff better be really bacon cheesetastic.

Which seems unlikely, given that there isn’t any bacon, just ‘bacon-ish natural smoke flavor’. So that vegetarians can get their bacon fix, I suppose.

The best part of the description is the mash-up quote from a  Beggin’ Strips/I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter commercial, where TJ’s thinks this product might have you saying, “I can’t believe it’s not bacon!”  (And whoa! check out the hair on that pups mom! and that FONT. Lord.) Because what you want to reference, when talking about your yummy snack food, is dog treat commercials from days of yore. That’s basic good sense, right there.  

Next we’ll see Chex Mix commercials using the Meow Mix theme song, but with the word ‘Chex’ instead of ‘Meow’. Chex chex chex chex, Chex chex chex chex, Chex, chex chex chex CHEX chex chex chex.

I’m not gonna lie. I might buy this one, if only to poll the citizenry of Chez Cheepie to see if this snack does taste like the promised bacon.  And so we can all just randomly bust out, “IT’S BACON!!!” as the feeling moves us.

Trader Joe’s Silly Thing This Week

I’ve got two silly things this week.  The first is:

“Wake up, Trader Joe’s! Your flyer is over a month old and I need new things to look at! Get with the program. Surely you can manage, once a month, to have a new set of sale items.”

This week the main silly thing is a recipe.  The photo they’ve got witScreen shot 2015-04-23 at 4.59.25 PMh this recipe immediately cracked me up. Knock-off Goldfish, knock-off Ritz Bits sandwiches, knock-off Cheerios….this looks like a kid went into the pantry and decided he’s just gonna eat it ALL.

But first, he’s going to take a page from Granny, and Chex-Mixify it with some onion dip powder, butter, and soy sauce, because what salty snacks are known to be lacking is more salt.

I don’t think they even did that part of the recipe for the photo.  I’m no photo stylist, but none of those things in the bowl look like they’ve been lightly tossed with a salt/butter slurry.

The recipe section did have some good-looking items, and I think I’ll try the chicken and waffle bites next time I have people over. I mean, I’m not going to use frozen gluten-free waffles, but I’ll follow the general idea. The chicken will also not be frozen nuggets.  I guess I’m just a fan of their plan to put food on sticks.

Grocery Theory post tomorrow. Cheep Cheep!

Trader Joe’s Silly Thing This Week

Chorizo is a many-defined thing. It can be splendorous, and it can be a weird plastic tube of salivary glands and seasoning that you’re supposed to smush out into a hot pan and hope for the best.

Traditionally, a sausage is a way to use up the random bits left over after you’ve secured the good cuts–the little trims, possibly organs (hello boudin!), cheek meat (before it became popular) and whatever else seemed like a good plan at the time.  Chorizo seasoning is a peppery paprika blend of things that is, to me, the downright best part of a breakfast taco. It’s bullish enough to cover a multitude of sins, including organ meat that might otherwise be thought a slippery greasy mess, but only if that mess is balanced with actual meat that has texture.

I am here to tell you that it’s not always the case that the chorizo makers that make the products available in the store have followed my simple rule. Ever thrown out a pan of food? Go ahead and buy the cheapest chorizo at the market.  Squish it into the pan, and tell me if you decided to crack eggs over that, or toss it and hit Taco Cabana.  I’ve got an iron stomach, and even typing that brings back images that do not make Cheepie happy.

Which is why, for a change, I’m liking my Silly Thing this week. Cheap chorizo should Screen shot 2015-04-10 at 9.40.35 PMobviously be soy–it’s hugely assertively seasoned, the cheap bits that used to make it are now much pricier, and all we’re doing is mixing it into tacos. This isn’t Spanish chorizo, for slicing on a pretty cheese plate–this is Mexican chorizo that is not even a sausage except for that people keep putting it in plastic tubes! Why do we do that? A grocery mystery.

I’m not giving up on meat chorizo, but at $1.99 for 12oz, you’re going to have enough to make extra tacos for the freezer, which will save you one morning from the Krispy Kreme. Pork chorizo costs twice that or more, and it’s good, too. It’s just not my funny thing this week.

Soy Chorizo, for when you’re all done with salivary glands and paprika!

 Thank you TJ’s!

Posting for Amusement’s Sake Only

Tonight, I worked out.  I will be sore tomorrow. My abs, they will have me creaking about, because this post was hard work, people.  Look what I had to do:

photo 3

I had to go back to 1992, make a bar graph and drag that sucker right into the future! The things I do for Cheepie!

In reality, I created that graph on my Mac, and the only way I could get it from the Numbers (Apple’s answer to Excel) format to Will-Post-To-WordPress format was to take a freaking screenshot of the file, crop it in iPhoto, and then take a photo of it with my damn phone.

Nothing like a bunch of incompatibility to make a girl feel like laughing.  And all of this for a graph that I can only conclude needs more data before any real trend can be identified–though overall there is an upward slope indicated.  So this is good. 

I gave up the ‘sit at the table all of us right now at once’ thing somewhere in there, and that’s part of the uptick. I did go by percentage to normalize between the 10 point scale and the 15 point scale.

To avoid this ab workout in the future, software will be acquired, charts will be charted, and graphs will be graphed.  Just give me a bit.  I think that phone’s got powers.  The kids all seem to think so.